Change is brewing and somehow I’m not freaking out…
I'm itching for adventure and the universe can sense it
Dear Reader,
I love Edinburgh but I’m itching for adventure and the universe can sense it.
Last week, A and I went to Berlin and we both came back wondering how four days could have such a profound impact on us. Since landing back home we’ve been reminiscing over our day beside the lake, mooching around, taking afternoon naps, and miraculously getting into Berghain on Pride weekend - one of the busiest times of the year.
I know every place becomes ‘normal’ at some point, and we eventually come back down from the high of adventure, but something shifted in me during that trip; I’ve noticed an itch for more.
Maybe I’m just riding the post-ovulation dip, or maybe I’m finally solid enough in who I am and what I need that my soul can gear up for a change.
Bit by bit I’m gradually moving away from the epicentre burnout and in the days after coming home I decided to go for a slow run. Sweating at the traffic lights under the Edinburgh sun, the universe delivered a nudge in the form of an aging American tourist who wanted a chat. He spontaneously started speaking to me and somehow we got onto travel - totally unprompted, he said “Edinburgh is lovely but maybe it’s time for an adventure.”
I’ve been asking the universe for magic and alignment, and there it was at the traffic lights…gentle but absolutely undeniable.
In between wiping sweat from my face and wondering where this conversation was going next he moved on to the topic of writing - he writes a journal for his nieces and nephews and was professing the importance of writing, even if it’s just for ourselves. “Keep writing” he said, “it makes people feel something, and that’s important work.”
Historically I have found change and uncertainty really difficult to navigate, often favouring self-betrayal and force in order to remain in the ‘known’ zone. Of course, this approach only works to a certain extent because life does its thing - throwing everything up in the air and asking how we will deal with things in the wake of enormous disruption - but in recent years I have become more disillusioned with control and very interested in trust.
In years gone by I would have felt spooked by a timely encounter with an encouraging stranger who seemed to read my mind, and unnerved by the way one trip could capture my soul’s attention. The alarm bells would be ringing. Weird stuff is happening! Change is coming! We are losing control!
But today I’m not scared, I’m enamoured.
As an autistic person, I like to know details about where I’m going, who will be there, how long we’re expected to stay, what people’s intentions are, what is expected of me etc, and I hate change when it’s thrust on me by other people. But the unexpected impact of our trip and the serendipitous conversation at the traffic lights got me thinking - maybe I’m not shaken by this kind of change anymore because it’s come to feel conversational, magical, and open to my own interpretation.
In my previous post I shared that I am always in an active conversation with life - a creative relationship which informs my next move - and that’s exactly what this feels like. It’s not the sort of change that’s being forced onto me, it’s a nudge, a question, a clue that I can follow if I’d like to. This strand of change feels playful and no matter what, I trust that I will care for myself regardless of which path I take.
After so many years of gripping onto control in all facets of life, it is so blissful to finally take my shoes off and dance.
In case you’re wondering…after the traffic lights had turned from red to green several times we parted ways and I felt as if life had sprinkled some fairy dust over me; I ran back towards the flat and paused for a coffee at my favourite cafe. I sat outside in the sun, ready for a spot of people watching and clicked onto a live NTS radio session.
The moment I pressed play and heard the lyrics come through my headphones I genuinely laughed out loud - “the lady’s getting ready for a change”.
Speak soon,
S x
We can also see and hear and feel the call of the universe, only if we are open and receptive to it. I’ve slipped in and out of transmission with the universe my whole life — your description reminds me of those wonderful and serendipitous moments (and make sure to write them down if you can, so can revisit, don’t count on your memory for all the details), when we are in alignment with our souls purpose, I strongly believe, that the Signs are undeniably strong.
Whatever route you take next, I hope you have the courage to jump and see where it takes you. The best is yet to come ✨
P.S. I’m literally reading a book called Signs, the secret language of the universe by Laura Lynne Jackson, at the moment. Have you heard of it? 🥰
I loved reading this. As the partner and mother to 2 autistic people, the topic of change is one I think about often, and I was really impacted by the way you wrote about it here, the different ways it can feel. Thank you, and celebrating with you the beautiful signs from the universe you are receiving and the way you are dancing with them, with trust and self-care. Such an enormous thing!